Bags of Our Mothers

"We're surrounded by false advertising for everybody's happiness."

...from one of the books that I am currently enjoying...how true that is! I have often peeked into the lives of others and imagined how their happiness must keep them constantly floating. As my life experience has expanded, however, I have come to realize that what I used to believe was sheer glee is actually "false advertising." Many can show a face to the outside world that is not the expression that they wear inside the plastic walls where they sometimes find their existence to be so much less than they had hoped for, than they dreamed of as children, than they imagined they deserved. But we do get what we deserve, don't we?

As the season of Lent begins today, and I look forward to receiving my cross of ashes, I must decide what deserving emotion, hobby, food I need to do without for the 40+ days that rise before me like so many before them. In keeping with my belief that the giving up must be accompanied by the taking on, I must also figure out what God deserves from me, the newness He would want me to carry. The good that I will add to my life - for Him, and only with the help of His grace - will initially weigh me down as a cross. I do not like to admit this, but it is true. Putting on a cloak of something positive should not be so hard for me, but I find that the covering is so big and heavy and ill-fitting. Trying to be and do good, while it should not be, is a true sacrifice for me.