Thursday, August 30, 2007

but there's this...

76. I need validation too much.
77. Most of the time, too much of something is really too much.
78. I like to think that I have let go, but it may be of the wrong things.
79. Growing-up, no matter how old you are, is wrought with pitfalls and false floors and all manner of obtuse things. Grow-up anyway.
80. Being the person that I should be is not as close to the person that I am as I would like it to be.
81. I don't like being misunderstood.
82. Going back to not asking is probably a safer road to take at this point.
83. Outside still hurts. I wish it didn't, but it does.
84. What is to become of us?
85. While change isn't always good, sometimes, it really is.
86. I don't remember the Alamo, and I don't care.
87. Weekends are starting to be kinda crappy.
88. I don't have to just go along if I don't want to just go along.
89. I thought for a second that life was getting easier. I was mistaken.
90. Mail is becoming less and less interesting.
91. I'd like to take a break from myself for a while; I can be pretty intense.
92. What appears on the surface to be easy or simple or comfortable may be none of those things.
93. If you don't want to know, don't ask. There's a good reason for me keeping a lot to myself.
94. It's not crazy or ironic or incongruous to feel lonely when you're not alone.
95. Sometimes being tired is simply that. I don't think that a good nap has ever really hurt anyone.
96. I don't think that anyone outside of San Francisco really gives a shit about Barry Bonds.
97. I adore the Giants. I do not give a shit about Barry Bonds.
98. Eventually, I hope that I will turn the corner.
99. Maybe I should start by going back to mass on a regular basis.
100. Some things are just too firmly ingrained; I cannot get beyond some of those.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


51. Omar!
52. I don't know that preparation really alleviates any anxiety.
53. It is often much more challenging to be bad than to be good.
54. My checkbook is quite the mess.
55. I don't care that my checkbook is quite the mess - my, how I've grown!
56. It makes no difference that the Giants do not have an icecap's opportunity in a satanical cult, I still love to see them win.
57. Speaking of which, I wish that I could ice skate.
58. Mostly, I remain the 15 year-old-girl-I-used-to-be, and that's not necessarily an awful thing.
59. Being a mama is the most vital role I play in my life...well, not so much playing as honestly trying to figure it out as I hobble along.
60. I should not have ended the above with a preposition - that is something that bothers me tremendously, but to prove I can overcome, I am not going to change it.
61. Having animals in my life has been a tremendous joy, and I thank my husband for that.
62. Homegrown is almost always better than store-bought.
63. When I have purchased the last 3 items, I will be completely done with my Christmas shopping.
64. I will still buy more, though.
65. This is the first summer that I have actually left the air-conditioning on - it has been significantly more pleasant within the narrow walls of my existence.
66. Playing Scrabble is a creative outlet for me; losing at Scrabble is not something that I take lightly.
67. Actually, I am somewhat frightened that I am not quite as smart as I used to be...or at least, I thought I was.
68. I love my little family.
69. I hope that I will live the rest of my life somewhere else.
70. Being an American does make be proud but not in a haughty sort of way.
71. I wish that I could sing at church with the complete lack of embarrassment of which my husband is capable. (Yes, I originally typed, "which my husband is capable of." I went back and changed it - I am capable of overcoming, but I am not completely void of reason!)
72. I am standing very close to the edge most days.
73. Peets over Starbucks.
74. Before I take an axe to my bangs, I need to get a haircut - an axe is not quite as desperate as it might seem.
75. Entourage is one of the funniest shows...ever.

Monday, August 27, 2007

and then..

26. I enjoy a good waffle for breakfast...and sometimes for dinner.
27. By outward appearances, my life is organized, but all is chaos in my head.
28. I do not always ignore the voices.
29. The virtue of a clean house may be a slight bit exaggerated, not so a clean soul.
30. Except for one or two exceptions, people know pretty much all there is to know about me.
31. No one wants to know the 1 or 2 things that they don't.
32. Happy is a good color on my child.
33. I only recently came to comprehend Ben as the better choice.
34. Don't marry someone you don't love - sometimes love is all you have on which to survive.
35. Maybe my growing-up wasn't as bad as I remember.
36. But maybe it was.
37. I wish my meme were still alive.
38. Who takes the road not taken if it's not taken?
39. Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing, but I always opt for knowing anyway.
40. I do not understand time.
41. People depend on me - sometimes that pressure is more than I can adequately sustain.
42. I miss Allie.
43. I should pay more attention.
44. Sleep is one of the few things that is not overrated.
45. I am seriously trying to exist.
46. You can't fully understand until it's happened to you - that's probably okay.
47. Often I am frightened by things or people or places - it has not always been thus.
48. While I can read about it, I do not, generally, appreciate a gory murder scene in a movie.
49. The circle of life is not so much a circle as an oval.
50. Light over darkness every time.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

about me - because I can

1. I really like pizza.
2. Although all my sibs have middle names, I do not have one. This has always greatly disturbed me.
3. I made sure my child had a middle name.
4. I like lamb, but don't eat it very often.
5. Organization skills are severely under appreciated.
6. I love my husband.
7. My daughter is my superhero.
8. I am depressed a lot, but I'm happy.
9. Making sense is dramatically over-rated.
10. It is about the destination.
11. Red is the best color....ever.
12. Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch is a true man at his very best.
13. Life is not necessarily what you make it.
14. For me, it's a toss-up between cherries and watermelon.
15. Having it all is much too sinful, but I wouldn't mind having a little.
16. I question Catholicism but not my Catholic faith.
17. Size does not matter.
18. I wish I was healthier.
19. There are not many things I would like to do over.
20. Almost everything I would like to do over has to do with my child.
21. I could have been a much better mommy.
22. I think that I would like to live in the country, but where would I shop?
23. I like to shop.
24. I have very few really great friends.
25. I have two really magnificent relatives.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Failing Course

I feel as though I have just flunked a very important test. I studied hard, did fairly well on the quizzes, attended pertinent lectures. I have still fallen way short of where I should be. I do not know if it's worth taking it over; it really does not seem like it, not today anyway.