Wednesday, February 21, 2007

"We're surrounded by false advertising for everybody's happiness."
...from one of the books that I am currently true that is! I have often peeked into the lives of others and imagined how their happiness must keep them constantly floating. As my life experience has expanded, however, I have come to realize that what I used to believe was sheer glee is actually "false advertising." Many can show a face to the outside world that is not the expression that they wear inside the plastic walls where they sometimes find their existence to be so much less than they had hoped for, than they dreamed of as children, than they imagined they deserved. But we do get what we deserve, don't we?

As the season of Lent begins today, and I look forward to receiving my cross of ashes, I must decide what deserving emotion, hobby, food I need to do without for the 40+ days that rise before me like so many before them. In keeping with my belief that the giving up must be accompanied by the taking on, I must also figure out what God deserves from me, the newness He would want me to carry. The good that I will add to my life - for Him, and only with the help of His grace - will initially weigh me down as a cross. I do not like to admit this, but it is true. Putting on a cloak of something positive should not be so hard for me, but I find that the covering is so big and heavy and ill-fitting. Trying to be and do good, while it should not be, is a true sacrifice for me.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Three Little Words

The Iloveyous of the world should not be little - they are GIGANTIC! The simple 4-letter word - l o v e - is infused with so much - longing, healing, giving - it is simply too big for its simplicity. Finding the balance for love is a highwire act with not only no net but no firm earth at all underneath - the heart is exposed, available for trampling or cracking or exploding. Opening one's heart is allowing everything in - the hurt, the sadness, the ecstasy, the peace. This comes as no startling news, I understand, but love is always a headline, or at least it should be.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The History of Love

Thanks be to my daughter for sharing The History of Love - quite an amazing little read. Thus far - a bit over halfway - I am struck by one particular message: love has made me the happiest that I have ever been; love has made me the saddest that I have ever been. When you are fully in love - whether just falling into or at the maintenance level - the emotions are the truest that you will ever know. They will make-up both the most painful and the most joyous that you will experience. When you love someone completely that someone is capable of giving you the depth of life that is impossible without them. I remember trying once to explain to my dear husband that he is not responsible for my happiness - I control that - but I now understand his perspective: what he does or does not do/feel/comprehend affects my happiness - my whole life, really - in the way that only love can. Love captures you, and absolute love captures you absolutely.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


Having watched "Grey's Anatomy" and listened over and over to my current favorite song, "Ordinary Time," I find that ordinary is quite underated. What a joy to live a life that is simple and full. Those who are earmarked by God for the extraordinary are given the gifts required for such an existence.

From a (albeit, crazy) mother to her only daughter: "Anyone can fall in love; I raised you to be extraordinary." The truth is that not everyone can fall in love; not everyone finds it. Love, if done correctly, is quite out of the ordinary and that is what makes the falling into it so remarkable. Love in this life is nothing short of extraordinary...I see that I have been given the necessary gifts; perhaps, my life is not so ordinary, afterall.

Friday, February 02, 2007

The road less traveled is finding its way to me all on its own. Life is not always as I thought it would be, and lately, it's as far removed as possible from my early vision. I discover myself today in a different place from yesterday...from a week ago...from days to come...from miles away. The snapshots that surround the dreams in my head are everchanging, and constantly pressing me to do something else, something different, something other than this, something, anything. If I could make my legs carry me there, believe me, I would.