Tuesday, May 29, 2007

So, off we went to Vegas to live the high life for a bit - had a wonderful time, enjoyed Celine immensely, gambled very little and shopped quite a lot - it was rather marvelous. By Friday, however, hubby and I were ready to get back home, to our area of comfort, our own little slice of heaven, our puppies, our child.

Now, once again ensconced in the regular trials and moments of joy in my little life, I am, indeed, glad to be back. It is, though, a glimpse of Christmas morning after all the presents have been torn into, that certain kind of light filtering its way through the windows, when there is a tiny taste of letdown, of not quite what was expected, of not precisely, perfectly what was envisioned. It almost never is, and I am grateful...mostly.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Sunday was Mother's Day, and I was honored in the best possible way - my daughter, her boyfriend and my husband made the entire meal - no cooking or cleaning was required of me! Spending a few hours with the three of them made me feel wonderful inside - happy, a relatively unfamiliar sensation in my small portion of the world. I may have mentioned before that other people are not responsible for my happiness, but seeing my daughter in a good, loving relationship, certainly makes my heart cartwheel with sheer glee! While others are not "responsible," for making me joyful, their importance to me requires that they are finding peace and contentment and love in order for me to feel the same; their hurt and sadness has always been mine; so, it is with their joy.

Seated on this warm couch of love, encircled by my loving and loved family - I was honored in the best possible way.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

What do I do to make you love me?
What have I got to do to be heard?

Yep, Elton John (well, actually, lyrics by Bernie Taupin) certainly has something there. My mother can send me a million cards; she can have others express her regret with words she is, apparently, incapable of saying herself; "I'm sorry" is not in her make-up. Honestly, after talking to my daughter yesterday, it occurs to me - after she pointed it out! - that no matter what my mother says it will never be enough. The time for the words that I needed and longed to hear has passed; it is too late for this to be the relationship it should have been. I will not believe she is genuine or sincere or honest - she is calculating and manipulative and just plain mean. There was a time that I thought that, perhaps, she had no control over this; it was just the way she was, and she couldn't help it, couldn't help herself. The steps that I have taken on my way to forgiving her, have brought me along a road that led to a realization that my mother has chosen to be the way she is, just as we all make the daily decision to be who and what we are. In recognizing the parts of ourselves that may not be particularly positive or conducive to good relationships, we can decide to change; we can make ourselves better - but we have to want to; we have to care enough; we have to love others more than ourselves. That's hard to do when you are the navel of your universe!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


What an incredible day!! The Giants had a NINE (9) run 5th inning - with Bengie Molina hitting TWO (2) 4-baggers in the same inning - I do not believe that I have ever seen a better baseball game. Having my husband and daughter there made it just about the most wonderful sports day in recent history! I adore the Giants, and I LOVE seeing them play in their house - oh!! and the 300 fans from Venezuela rootin' for my man, Omar - it was beeeaauuutifuuull!!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Hubby!
Happy Birthday to you!