Bags of Our Mothers

There are times, now, when I wish that I was speaking to my mother - I would like to be able to talk with her about things...but then I realize that, even if we were on speaking terms, I wouldn't have any of the conversations that I have with her in my head. She would have to be someone other than herself, and I would have to be another person too. I want to talk to the mother that I wish I had...the fantasy mommy that listens and understands and doesn't make me feel like a fat failure at everything. My head is getting to be a crowded place in which to live; there are so many people playing so many roles in there. I'm not sure if any of them are me.